how many people can you fit in a micro-van?

Answer: a whole heck of a lot.

This past weekend was a wonderful time of travel and adventure in Leon! After dinner at a fun Thai restaurant in downtown Managua on Friday night, we went to bed early so we could wake up REAL early to catch the bus on saturday morning. After arriving at the center we were supposed to leave from, we discovered that there was a huge line of people waiting for micro-vans to get to Leon. We got at the end of the line and started stressing, worried that we wouldn't make it in time to go volcano boarding. As we were waiting, a rando white micro drove by with a guy shouting out the window "LEON! LEON! LEON!" (totally not sketchy, mom :) ) The rest of my group (5 other vol's) and I looked at each other and started sprinting. We jumped in the van and eventually, every seat was taken. But apparently, there is a different definition for "full" in Nicaragua. As we drove, the guy kept yelling out the window "LEON! LEON! LEON!" to every person we passed at a bus stop. People kept getting on and would stand or sit in the smallest corners of the van...we kept looking at each other like "this is crazy!" At one point, I counted upwards of 20 people in this small little vehicle. It was so hilarious.

Luckily, we made it with time to spare to our hostel, where we were leaving from to go board down a volcano called Cerro Negro. The hike up the volcano was gorgeous in the strangest way. Everything was dead, black ash. On top of that, it was raining and misty, and the higher we got up, the more clouds would enclose around us. I felt like I was on Mars, or on my way to Mordor or something. Often, the clouds would break, and instantly our breath would be taken away by the gorgeous view (and the fact that we suddenly discovered that we were VERY high up and on a very narrow path). Once getting to the top, we put on these stylish (sarcasm) orange jumpsuits and goggles and got on our wooden boards to head down the volcano. I won't lie...when I looked over that cliff, my heart started pounding kind of hard. But it ended up being relatively slow because of the moisture in the ash. It was really fun though...I even beat Trey when we raced! (how do you like that for a shout out, Tres?) Quite an extraordinary experience :)

Other than volcano boarding, we also got to enjoy Leon for the night. Well, we tried to. We went out to a bar, but were all so exhausted after the hike and waking up at the crack of dawn that we almost fell asleep at our table. It was also pretty dead (and strangely sketchy) in Leon at night, which was surprising. So it was an early evening, but we still managed to snag some Eskimo (ice cream!), making it a total success.

After sleeping incredibly well, we woke up and ate our free breakfast (incredible coffee and a delicious bagel egg thing) and headed out to wander around. We went to a really wonderful art museum that I recommend if you are ever in the city. It's at an old presidential residence and has some incredible pieces. After the museum, we hit up the market and went to see some old cathedrals. It was nice to get to enjoy the city without rain!

There is something so fun about traveling around and just figuring it out as you go. Without any PD's with us or anyone who had been to the city before, it was all very fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants, in a good way. We met this really cool couple in our volcano group. The guy was a stockbroker and the women worked for the Olympics. They both sold everything they owned, left their jobs, and decided to travel for as long as they could afford. Nicaragua is their third stop, and they are flying out to Hong Kong in a week or so. It all sounds like a dream! We also met several awesome people at our hostel, (many of whom are from Australia, where it's typical for young people to travel after high school or university) who just got us thinking about how planned out and standard our lives usually are. We spend so much time worrying about fitting into this certain time-line of success that I think we often forget about what really matters: soaking up all the crazy wonderful things in life and going out to see and experience this beautiful earth.

PHOTOS: 1) on the truck which gave a rollercoaster-esque, hour long ride to the volcano, 2) starting the hike, 3) up the rocks and into the clouds, 4) our group at the top...soaked and about to be swallowed by a cloud in the background, 5) checking out the run, 6) peering over the edge and lookin' good, 7) me at the bottom, after I washed off all sorts of ash debris (which I am still finding in my hair)...see that little speck above my head? that's a person, 8) driving away from what we climbed, 9) streets of Leon = lots of color, 10) a crooked picture of the old cathedral, 11) more street, 12) another cathedral

p.s.

I just finished My Sister's Keeper and sobbed for a good ten minutes. oh, and it's still raining non-stop here (I am convinced that all of Nicaragua is going to wash away if this keeps up any longer) and it just makes me want to sit on my bed and cry more. Stupid book.

nueva sonrisa

Is it weird for me to say that I just can't wait to be a mom? (Don't freak out, parents. I'm not planning on that happening for several years) This morning, Kelsey (one of the summer vol's) and I walked to Farito for preschool. We got to help out with a Mother's Day party they were having. All these precious little ninos came with their madres and sang them cute little songs about how much they love them and then we ate cake and drank coca-cola. I was just melting the whole time. It was just a beautiful thing to witness and to be a small part of - celebrating motherhood, celebrating children. As silly as it sounds, it made me homesick for my own mom and at the same time made me so excited for the day when I get to understand the other part of that relationship dynamic, when I get to understand what it means to love your own child. (Oh gosh, Taylor & Kirsten are going to have a field day mocking me about this post)

On the way home, Kelsey and I nearly had to outrun a flash flood. All the sudden we looked ahead and a river was barreling down the road at us. It was funny because it seemingly came from nowhere. At the top, we stopped and stood by Mi Comarca (our favorite venta) to watch it swallow the whole road. Gabe got off a bus just as we were doing this and I when I saw him, I said "Gabe! This is CRAZY!" and he just laughed and said "Oh, this happens every time there is heavy rain." So funny.

It's been a very busy past few days and I've loved every second of it. Yesterday I got to walk around Chureca a bit before English class, which was super tuani (that's street for "really cool") I walked over to the school before class to play with kids, but I got there too late and they were already done with recess, which was a bummer. The rain made it impossible to take the back road to get in, so we walked that part too. It is crazy to see houses with tin walls covered in soda-advertisements and kids running around with no shoes, etc. What's even crazier is that I have learned that Chureca is actually preferable to other more rural parts of Nicaragua. Don't get me wrong, it's unfathomable poverty. But they have access to running water, a free health clinic, and various NGO's that are in the area. So things are bad, but they are even worse elsewhere. The idea that there are things to be grateful for in Chureca seems unreal, but the more I spend time there, the more I see it as a place of laughing kids and joy than simply a place of extreme darkness.

I've been helping out the past few days at this center for kids with disabilities called Teseros de Dios. It is just the neatest place ever and I love the happy feeling I get simply being there. Their vision is to minister to kids and their families and to create the best possibilities they can for children with physical or mental handicaps. They have a physical therapy room, a bible study center, a horse therapy program, and so much more. It's awesome. Manna doesn't work directly with them, but I heard about it from another volunteer and just decided to check it out. On Wednesday, I went for the first time. Joanna and I helped make some crafts for lessons and spent some time helping Ivania, a staff member with a huge smile and a bigger laugh, with her English homework. I liked it so much that I went back Thursday (yesterday) just to hang out and see how I could help. When I walked in, I couldn't find Michelle anywhere (she's the woman who started the center and the only one who speaks fluent English there), so I thought to myself, "Welp, looks like I'm speaking Spanish today." After explaining myself (or trying to) Ivania came down and finally found me and had a huge smile on her face. We went upstairs to her office and I helped her with some random things for her classes (she also works with a kid who has autism, so I helped make some crafts she will use with him) and she played me "American" music. It was so relaxing and fun to practice my Spanish with her and to in turn help her with English. I'm excited to keep going back.

The center is really close to the Land, so after I left, I walked to Women's Exercise. It's on a really rural road, and as I was walking, the rain was lightly falling and it was very quiet. All of the sudden, I hear a loud "MOOOO!" and turn around. Seriously two feet behind me was a large vaca (cow) and a young boy who couldn't be more than 8. Apparently they had been walking quietly behind me. I screamed a little and then just lost it....it was such a hysterical scene. I think my loud laughter at this probably frightened the boy more than the cow frightened me. Oh well...just a typical Nica stroll, I guess :)

Throughout the past week, I've had thoughts and frustrations in thinking about how my time here matters. It's so easy to think that I'll come in as some privileged super-hero and save the day. Yes, serving other people does make a difference, and I do believe that what Manna is doing and what I'm doing is great and beneficial to these communities. But it's a hard balance to remember that it isn't all about what I'm doing for other people - it's more of what they're doing for me. And when I think about it, service is really about what God is doing, how He's working His plan of redemption out in me and in others daily. I think of a few days ago when I went to 13.5 with Jan and we hung out at Carmen's house. Five people live there, in a space half the size of my bedroom -seriously. And God, are they happy. And just having those moments of realization...that is what is changing me. What is changing me is people's kindness when I did nothing to earn it. What is changing me is little Tatiana braiding my hair, or my friend at House of Hope who gave me the bible verse, and the people at the disabilities center who welcomed me with open arms.

As I was in Ivania's office yesterday, I was thinking about all these things, and thinking of the ways that God is using this trip to make me more like Himself. While she was playing me Avril Lavigne and R.E.M., Ivania was having me paint these little yellow circles and then draw on happy faces. And as I was doing that, I had to chuckle to myself, because here I was in Nicaragua, literally creating a new smile.

siempre, siempre

Being in Nicaragua feels like swimming in poetry. I've been writing like crazy here and it's such a wonderful feeling. There is something about the small things of this place that I'm falling in love with, something about the details of life in Nica that I'm becoming obsessed over and can't help but expand on. I find myself thinking of lines of verse that I could create about the sharp spines of stray dogs, or the milky-looking water that runs down the street during the heavy rain, or the funny contrast of bright, bright colors on buildings and signs that are always muted with dirt. I find myself daydreaming about the sound of rolling r's in Spanish, or horns honking in Managua, or the sound of the frog that lives outside our room window and sings all night. I find myself craving to put these things down on paper, and find myself so in awe of the way that these things just feel like art to me; I feel like I am walking around in a beautiful museum and I want to capture all the pieces and hold them up to the light.

And the more I write, the more I am learning about myself and the more I am learning that I NEED to write. It's simply how I experience things, this blog being a good example. The way I process is to create my experiences into new words and pour it all out onto a page. And the other thing I'm learning about myself through the writing process is how expression fits into all of that. I'm a communicator, a sharer. If you ask me how I am, I'm going to tell you. (And even if you don't ask me how I am, I'll probably tell you anyways) I'm not too good at keeping the details of my life inside, and that's where poetry and writing and this blog all come in. I've got to do it - it's how I'm learning about this crazy beautiful museum-like world, and how I'm learning about my own place in it. So even if you didn't care to know all that, I'm sharing it with you :)

p.s. Another writing-related thing: in an attempt to better my Spanish abilities, I tried reading one of my favorite poems in espanol. It's called "Clenched Soul" by Pablo Neruda. It was originally written in Spanish, but I've only ever read the English version. I recited it for a class last semester and I just adore it. I posted the Spanish version below. If you want to read it in English, click here.

Hemos perdido aun este crepusculo.
Nadie nos vio esta tarde con las manos unidas
mientras la noche azul caia sobre el mundo.

He visto desde mi ventana
la fiesta del poniente en los cerros lejanos.

A veces como una moneda
se encendia un pedazo de sol entre mis manos.

Yo te recordaba con el alma apretada
de esa tristeza que tu me conoces.

Entonces, donde estabas?
Entre que gentes?
Diciendo que palabras?
Por que se me vendra todo el amor de golpe
cuando me siento triste, y te siento lejana?

Cayo el libro que siempre se toma en el crepusculo,
y como un perro herido rodo a mis pies mi capa.

Siempre, siempre te alejas en las tardes
hacia donde el crepusculo corre borrando estatuas.

luciérnaga

My stomach hurts from laughing. Frank, one of the students in Advanced English, just taught me how to say "firefly" in Spanish (luciernaga) and it took me forever to get it right. Apparently I said something wrong and seemingly inappropriate, because Frank was like "Eeeeemeely!! (that's how they say my name here and I just love it) No no no!!!" and then laughed his head off. And then I started laughing. And then each time I would attempt to say it again, I'd laugh more. I got it eventually though. Oh Nicaragua...everything about you is a joyful learning experience.

Today has been one of those days that you can go to bed feeling good about (in fact, I will do just that after I finish this post, because I am exhausted). First was pancakes for breakfast (yup, I'm talking about the food again. It just isn't getting old) and then off to Chureca for English class. That's one of the programs I'll be focusing on...not sure if I'll be with the beginner or intermediate group...we'll see. It's more difficult than I expected. I was with the intermediate group today since I already checked out the other group last week, and it was a group of four sassy chicas. They're a bit intimidating, but I'm excited to see what our time together will look like and how it'll challenge me. And also, I still just about loose my breath being in Chureca, even for brief bits of time. Something about there makes me feel alive and close to God and I don't really know why yet...perhaps I'll post more thoughts on it later :) I'm far too tired to write anything super eloquent or insightful ahora.

After Chureca was a trip back to the house for a quick lunch and then off to Farito (the schoolhouse) for Comedor and Tuani Hour. Comedor is a feeding program where lunch is served to kids in the community. I'll do that every tuesday. Gosh, I just loved it. I didn't get to do much in terms of serving (I did help with tooth brushing after they ate...soooo cute) but it was a blast just to play with kids, visit them at their tables, listen to them pray and sing a sweet song before lunch. After Comedor we had a little over an hour break. I went outside and played with kids in the community and it was just about my favorite thing we've done this whole trip. I got to hang out with this group of sweet, sweet boys. They were playing marbles and taking photos with my camera and just being silly chicos. My favorite (it seems bad to pick favorites, but hey, oh well) is 9 year old Jon (see pictures below)...he has the most precious little smile and just a joyful personality.

Then came Tuani Hour ("Tuani" means "cool" in Spanish, and it's basically Creative Hour where it's just a fun time for the kids to do some crafts or music or whatever would be exciting for them). Trey, Jessica, Audrey (all Summer Vol's) and I got to plan and teach it today! It was SUCH A BLAST. We did a lesson on aviones (airplanes) and then made paper airplanes and had a competition for which one could fly the farthest.

After Tuani was a trip back to the house for dinner and a quick round of Bananagrams (I am getting so much better after challenging basically everyone in this house...although there are definitely some pros here). Then back to Farito for Beginner's English (a large class with a mix of ages. it's super fun, and just a class I'll help out with) and after that was Advanced English (a program I'll be focusing on...I just LOVE LOVE LOVE it. It's so cool to actually be able to become friends with people here who are my age, and I find that I learn a lot about the culture and Nica-Spanish from them)

Tomorrow I've got preschool (I'll be working with the preschool at Farito a few mornings a week! so fun!) and Kids English at the Land and we'll see what else I can get into :)

Now everyone is back and relaxing in the living room, reading or blogging or writing e-mails. I feel like Nica is getting under my skin a good way. Things are just becoming normal, like driving next to cows on the road or a mouse scurrying two inches from your feet in the living room (just happened) or knowing what it means when someone scrunches their nose at you (it's basically body language for "what?"...I get it a lot with my broken Spanish) or understanding when someone motions like they want you to go away (it actually means "come here") or hearing "GRINGA, MIRA! GRINGA, MIRA!" over and over again from every little kid doing jumping jacks or some dance they want you to see or something. I just love those things, and all the new things I discover about Nica everyday. Just love love love it.

photos! 1) we played 3 v. 3 lacrosse at the Land on Sunday. I was on a team with Norman and Gabe against Fabricio, Hemby and Jessica. 2) Ernesto! 3) Mi amigo Murphy 4) Jon (mi favorito) 5) kids in Cedro 6) Tuani hour airplanes! 7) Murphy and his really cool paper plane 8) Summer Vol love!

on being comfortable

There is definitely something cozy about the Manna house, especially today - it hasn't stopped raining since about 6pm last night it seems. It falls in these heavy, gorgeous drops and it's so nice just to sit here on the couch after playing Bananagrams and watch it splash into the puddles on the stone walkways outside. I slept so peacefully last night...nothing sounds like calm the way rain on a roof does. This morning I read and had a big mug of coffee, and for lunch Elena made guacamole that tasted like heaven. I am comfortable here, getting used to the heaviness of the air and the feeling of relief that comes when it is broken by storm. I am getting used to the sun being the one to wake me up early, poking me with yellow fingers. I am growing comfortable with the frizzy Hermione Granger-esque hair I seem to develop here. I am growing comfortable.

...and I'm uncomfortable about that.

It is a strange sensation to feel like I'm on vacation even though that isn't what I am here for. It's a strange sensation to go out into the communities and then come back here and have someone cook me all my meals and swim in a pool and swing in a hammock or go get Pop's ice cream and be comfortable. I don't really know how to feel about it, but I'm afraid that it's taking away from my ability to truly understand and explore the world of poverty the way that I want to. And it's going to be a challenge, I think, as we get more involved in programs and become more in tune with the way Manna serves here, not to let myself fall into the trap of being comfortable. It's so easy. It's so easy just to want to hang out here and enjoy the sunshine and forget about the world outside and what it's like. It's scares me how easy it is.

But you know what's hard? Loving boldly. That's hard. Speaking Spanish to someone even though you are terrified and will probably sound like an idiot. That's hard. Attempting to build relationships with people who have a culture vastly different than yours. That's hard. But that's what we are called to - to be lovers. To be bold. To have authority to GO and to love. It isn't comfortable, but it's what matters. And so that's my prayer for the rest of my time. Not that I would be comfortable, but that I might be courageous and that I might learn to love even when it isn't easy.

to Nica

some say that you’re a country
made up of old men who sell kites
outside of car windows,
at stoplights
for 45 cords.
but you aren’t those men.
you are the kites.

you are millions of patterns -
four-figured shapes in the dust
of the city dump,
of crowded streets
and inside tin-shacks along rural green hills.
you see horizons begging you into the air.
you have strings tied to the ground.

but soon, all the stillness will disappear.
the world will not keep you
with her broken hands,
will not clasp you between her thumb
of mud and her index finger of poverty.

you’ll be free...

…and the clouds will be grazed with
a million patterns
as you take to the wind.

it’s happening today,
even now
as a child feels the tickle of air
on the soft soles of their feet
and pushes up.

(and in them,
all your darkness is redeemed.
and in them,
the sky is expanding with color)

as for now, we’re together and busy-
off catching this breeze.

well, would you believe...PART DOS!

Today we got to take some little ninos from Chureca to the laguna. I was so excited about it, but it was 100 million times better than I could have expected. Almost as soon as I got there, I saw a familiar face. Would you believe...IT WAS MANESSA - the five-year-old little chica I read with at La Esperanza over spring break!!!! There weren't even massive amounts of kids...she just happened to be one out of a small group (oh, and apparently it's really "Vanessa" of "Banessa"...the spelling is all rather strange) Y'all, I freaked out. I cannot tell you what an insane, crazy amount of joy surged through me to see her. That little girl's face has been in my mind since leaving Nica the first time...I really can't explain why. She just changed me...she changed and is changing still the way I see poverty and the way I see people and the way I want to love people. I have no words to describe my brief interaction with her on my first trip here, but I really thought I would never see this little chica again in my life. I still remember the dread and pain I felt in putting her down and waving goodbye to her when we left the school in March. And to see her today, to see her with her mother and brothers, and to know that she is in the Child Sponsorship Program through Manna, gives me so much happiness. I am overwhelmed, just really cannot condense my emotions into words, with the way God blessed me today. I cannot believe that He gave me the privilege of holding her again, and getting to swim around with her and look for shells, and throw her up in the air and splash with her in the water. Wow. Just...wow. His surprises are simply the best :)

Oh, and p.s. would you believe that I went to the United States tonight? Well, sort of...We just got back from a marine party at the embassy! It was pretty cool to get to go there, although sort of a culture shock and overwhelming with air conditioning and super nice buildings and it being so fancy and everything. Apparently, the U.S. embassy in Nica is the second largest U.S. embassy in the world. All in all, it was a neat little trip back to the "states" for a few hours.

p.s.s. would you also believe that it's been heat lightning here for at least the past three hours? It's so beautiful!

Below are some pics of kids from today! enjoy them :)

Cindy Paoula enjoys mango-eating and being insanely cute

Does it get better than playing in a laguna? Nope. It just doesnt.

Sweet little M(b/v)anessa!!!

I love that I have this ridiculously huge smile and Manessa looks less than thrilled to be getting her picture taken with me.

She was handing me these tiny little snail shells.

Manessa and her friends play in the water.

Too cute for pants.

Gotta love that grin.

What joy.

well, would you believe...

Oh, I just love Nicaraguan children. Seriously. Today we went to Chureca to teach English and the two most precious, adorable boys started following us around. Their names were Stephen and Carlos and AH, I want to take them home with me. When I picked Carlos up, he looked me right in the eye and screamed "TENGO CINCO ANOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and waved his five fingers in my face. It was so cute. During the English class, the two of them were playing on a swing set near the tables we were at and I was practically hypnotized by them. I think the reason I love kids is because they have such insane amounts of joy. Like here were these two little boys who live in a dump, and they had so much happiness that it was practically spewing out of them. I just can't get over it.

Anyway, update on the whole disgusting skin/neck ordeal.
After it still being gross upon waking up this morning, I knew I need to get it looked at. The doctor at the clinic in Chureca wanted to cut it right then and there, but we decided it was probably better to figure out what exactly it was before doing anything rash. So I went to a dermatologist in a hospital about 1/2 an hour away. Hembey (one of the PD's) and I had to wait for a very long time, because we were told to be there an hour earlier than when the doctor actually tends to show up. (Just another example of living in a world that runs on Nica-time, I guess) So after listening to Spanish soap operas on the television in the waiting room for what felt like a long time, I finally got to see the doctor. She was very nice, but had no clue what it was and then prescribed me three medicines. Several hours and $65 later and still no answer.

So we're driving back to the house. We stop to get some McFlurry's (which are not the type you get in the states, they are WAY better. It's basically just soft serve with chocolate or caramel sauce and whatever topping you want) and then stopped at the venta (store). Gabe & Zeke were there, and I showed them my blister-fied gross neck, and both of them go "OH, It's a Maya, of course!!"
Apparently, a Maya is a small bug that is found here in Nicaragua. When they get on your skin, they often urinate, and their urine is extremely acidic. So what happened to me is that some little Maya crawled on my neck during the night and urinated on me, resulting in blisters. I can't believe I went to that dumb hospital when all I needed to do was go right down the street and ask the neighbors to find out what was wrong.

sparknotes version of my life:
I GOT PEED ON BY A NICA BUG WITH ACID FOR URINE.

oh yes, that would happen to me.

the good, the bad, and the allergic reaction

adios! (no, I'm not saying goodbye...that is the standard greeting when you pass people in the streets of Nicaragua. except it sounds more like "adio" because s's tend to get dropped off at the ends of words pretty frequently here)

boy oh boy was it steamy today. We were all dragging in the heat (I was reading in the hammock before dinner and fell asleep in about two seconds)...but it was still a wonderful day to be in Nica!
The morning started out with a sorting party. (see picture number uno below) We went into the small, creepy storage room in back of the pool house and pulled out tons of luggage full of donations. (and we found one massive spider and one small scorpion while we were in there! mom is going to love this blog post) Then we turned up the music and began folding and sorting clothes, shoes, and accessories into piles. At the end of the year, Manna will host a sale for the communities they work in and will sell everything for affordable prices. (I like the idea of not just giving away things for free, but providing the community members with opportunities to provide for themselves)

After that came lunch (why is the food here SO freaking good?) and then off to the Land for homework help, playing outside with ninos, and English class. The English class was just for kids, and oh my stars, they were LOCO. adorable, yes. but crazy, YES.

Tonight was really great. Four community members/friends of Manna came in to talk to us (Gabriel, Fabricio, Norman & Adriana). I met most of them at advanced English last night, so it was fun to see them again and hear a bit about what they do. They all started an organization they call Nicayudo which began as a response to the need for school supplies and money to pay teachers in Nicaragua. Now they help out two preschools that are desperate for hope and resources. It's really awesome to see how passionate they are about empowering their community. I'm excited to see the preschools at some point while I'm here and learn more about what they are doing. (It was also fun to have them here because they played guitar and sang several traditional Nica songs to us. Then we went and had a big dance party out in the pool house)

It's also kind of funny...I randomly heard about this organization called Lacrosse the Nations a few weeks back and was reading about it online. They work with kids in Chureca and teach them lacrosse, give them the chance to be a part of a team, love them through spending time with them playing sports. Come to find out, Norman works for Lacrosse the Nations! And he's also an administrator at La Esperanza in Chureca, the school we raised money for with Barefoot Week, and the place I met Manessa at over spring break! So cool.

It is just so wonderful to me that I get to witness and be a part of this vast, connected community of people who love Nica. Yet another cool group to check out that is helping support Nicaraguans is Chaka MarketBridge. They are a new and rapidly growing business that works to support local artisans in developing countries by providing them a market to sell their goods. It's such a cool thing and an awesome way to empower communities. The two founders, Matt & Neil (UVa grads! what what!) were staying here at the Manna house for a couple of days and just left this morning. Go check out their site!

So it was a good day. Except for the fact that I have this whole allergic-reaction-gross thing on my neck. In the spirit of sharing even the ugly details of this trip, I posted a picture of it below. (if gross things, well...gross you out, don't scroll all the way down. but I don't think it's really that bad) I woke up this morning and the left side of my neck was kind of sensitive and red. Then it developed a bump which became a massive blister which become another blister. Now it has stopped spreading/getting bigger, but it still looks really gross. I'm going to the doctor at the clinic in Chureca tomorrow, so we'll see what they have to say. But the only thing we can think of is that something either bit me and my skin freaked out, or I brushed up against something I'm strangely allergic to. I'll keep you updated :) It's all rather strange, but hey, just another part of the adventure!

abrazos y besitos!

we summer vols enjoy sorting:

lots of clothes. It took me about an hour to go through the toddler box because I kept stopping and saying "ohmygoshawwwwwthisisSOOOcuteIlovebabies!" after folding each outfit

the view of the pool and the house from the hammock

alright, here is the gross picture of my strange allergic reaction to some unknown thing. please do not vom.

Juan 15:16

I write today with a bit of a heavy heart. Cola and Sydney, the two rottweiler guard dogs who live at the house, got outside and attacked another dog. At first, it looked like the dog they attacked died as a result, but now there is word that he is actually alright. Either way, we're all a little shaken up (and also more terrified than we already were of these huge dogs). I know it sounds strange, but the whole ordeal seemed kind of like a trigger. Everything on the trip so far has been chill and fun and lovely, hanging out with the group, traveling, seeing sunny Nicaragua. But suddenly I've started feeling heavy with all the questions I had the first time I came here over spring break. I'm struck today by how very precious life is, and how much it breaks me to pieces knowing that so many are treated as if their life is anything but.

This morning a few of us went to House of Hope. It's an organization with buildings in Cedro that ministers to women from Managua and surrounding areas. Their goal is to give women an escape from prostitution, which is so huge in the city. As a part of their program, they drive women in and give them opportunities to do things like make jewelry, which will be sold to give them a different source of income. This isn't an organization that MPI has worked with in the past, but we went today to check it out because they said they could use some help. It was so so so so cool.

There was a huge variety of ages in the women who were there. I sat at a table cutting magazines into strips that were made into really neat beads, and to my left was a group of about three preteens. They were precious and beautiful. (and when I mean beautiful, I really mean GORGEOUS....what is with Nicaraguan women? Pretty much all the time, I feel gross and my face is shiny and disgusting, and then I'll look at someone from Nica and they look like supermodels and I feel ewww) Anyway, they were so sweet to me as I was struggling through my spanish and feeling awkward. They took time to ask me where I was from and what I was studying and what I wanted to be (oh, my favorite question). One of them, Margarita, asked me if I wanted to learn how to glue the strips into beads, and then showed me how and said mine was "muy bonita" even though it wasn't. We talked about our mutual love for Justin Bieber. The time went by in such an enjoyable way, and it was only in the end when it hit me why those girls were there. These precious, precious children either had been involved in, were still involved in, or were at hisk risk for being prostitutes.

The thought makes me nauseaous. I cannot even fathom someone abusing them, degrading them, buying their bodies as if they were products sold at a market. Horrible isn't even the right word....I don't know what is, I just know that none of it makes sense. Those things shouldn't exist. None of those women should be left with prostitution as the only way to support their families. And yet, it does exist, and it sucks and I'm so angry and overwhelmed and broken by it. I randomly started thinking about this speaker named Budda who talks at Young Life camps. He goes on this rant (a good one, but rant is definietly a good word to describe it) about how women are princesses, and to see ouselves as anything else is wrong beccause we are princesses to God. I kept hearing him screaming those words in my head, and looked at these girls, and wanted to scream it at them too. "You are a princess. never ever ever ever let anyone tell you otherwise." Oh God, how I pray that they can grow to believe that.

As we were leaving, one of the little 11-year-old girls from my table group handed me a piece of paper she had colored and decorated at school. On it was some flowers she had drawn framing a bible verse, Juan (John) 15:16. It says: "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit - fruit that will last." Wow. I was taken back first of all by the sweetness of her gift, but to read that was almost overwhelming. Here I was so angry and frustrated and feeling entitled to these things - and here at the same time was this God who has a big plan and says "No, you didn't choose me....I'm the one who has high dreams for you, and a plan that is lasting and bigger than this world." I've got to trust that. I've got to know that the Lord has high dreams for these girls and a plan for redemption and a plan to bear fruit through people like the House of Hope folks and through all the women. It's so easy to egotistically assume that we need to come up with a good plan of action.....but then I remember that what needs to happen is acknowledgment of the one who gave us the ability to act in the first place, who loved us enough to choose us for this action and to let us be witness to its fruit.

So today I saw Jesus in an 11-year-old chica. And tonight I saw Him in the joy of students like Gabriel and Zeke in advanced english. Maybe tomorrow I'll see Him in someone else, and thursday I'll see Him in Chureca. I'm not sure what that will mean, but I'm eagerly anticipating it. I'm so grateful that He chose me.

desayuno

There is a wonderful rhythm to the mornings here. It's like a full-soul experience. First, you open your eyes sometime between 5 and 6 and the thing you notice is that you are sticky. Your legs are sprawled outside your sheet and there are beads of sweat on your forehead. Then you look ahead at the big arching windows across your bunk bed and see a sunrise-sky. It's gorgeous and blushing, as if someone wouldn't stop telling it how beautiful it was. And then you realize it's early, and you fling your sheet to the edge of the bed, do this little dance trying to find a position that most directly receives circulating air from the fan. You close your eyes for another hour.

You wake up again. People are stirring or have already leaped for freedom into the living room or out to the roof where it is cooler than your sauna of a room. You move with a slow rhythm, weighed down by heat. It isn't really a bad sensation, it's more like a feeling of your skin fitting your bones better, or like you've been sweating out a fever and are now getting well, or like you're discovering what it'd be like if you were to hold the hand of the earth, what the heat of her palm would be against your fingers. You feel feel heavy with something good and sincere.

Out in the kitchen, Elena is cooking desayuno. You say the word one, two, three times in your head and fall in love with it. You want to dance the salsa with this word. You want to watch it roll around in the air as it leaps from your tongue. It is so beautiful to you....the shape of it, the way it has a beat, the way it is slow and heavy against the bottom of your mouth like a mirror reflection of yourself waking and greeting the sunrise-sky.

You get a cup of coffee, so delicious you drink it black. You say buenos dias to Elena, grab a plate, go sit in the living room where it's cooler and quiet with everyone still processing the heaviness, the day ahead, soaking up the fan-air. Love it here. You're heavy with it.

some things I enjoy

1) playing London Bridge with lots of screaming, hyper, adorable Nicaraguan children in 13.5

2) napping in a hammock. see below.

3) going on walks where the horizon ahead includes a volcano. see below.

4) rice & beans

5) starting to dive into/explore different programs tomorrow! wooooo!

Granada is a beautiful color

Hola friends!


We're back in the Manna house...just finished eating some spaghetti and are now having a sing along as Andrew (one of the PD's) plays guitar. Life has been full and hot and laid-back and just generally wonderful so far! and it's only our second full day here!


This weekend we traveled to Granada, which is a really cool city along the coast of Largo de Nicaragua (Lake Nicaragua). We piled into a micro-van (something about driving in Nica just makes me so sleepy...even though there are so many colors and fascinating things to see and good conversations to be had, I fall asleep just about every ride we go on! It's awful. I blame it on the heat and the strangely soothing bumpy roads), listened to some spanish covers of Remix and various other pop songs, and pulled into the bright city.


I couldn't get over the color palate! It was all these rich yellows and deep reds and bright blues and neon greens. We wandered around, made friends with some street vendors (one of which let us taste-test this traditional Nica beverage he was selling...it was warm and made from rice and milk and corn and was actually pretty good!), took in the sights.


And then I encountered my first awkward moment with not speaking the language! hooray :) For literally two hours, my friend Joanna and I were walking around, and every time I would turn a corner, this same little girl would be in front of me, asking me to buy a bird whistle from her (and if you know me at all, you know I'm not a fan of anything having to do with flying creatures). I've got to give this little chica credit...she was persistent. At about the fifth time we passed her, I looked at her and again went to repeat as lovingly as possible what I'd been saying the whole time - "no gracias". Instead, I slipped and looked this sweet little girl in the eye and said "no me gusta!"and walked away. Then I looked at my friend Joanna a second later and said "oh my gosh, I think I just told that little girl that I didn't like her!" and we cracked up laughing. I guess that's what happens when I don't know spanish, and random phrases I happen to remember just slip out. I felt SO awful. Needless to say, I am now the proud owner of a hand-crafted bird whistle, because the next time I saw her, I rushed to buy one out of shame and guilt.


After that, we got pizza at a fun place and then went out dancing (which was a BLAST...some of these Nicaraguans can really move their hips!). We stayed the night in a hostel, which was the first time I'd ever been to one, and I thought it was really nice!


Oh and at the hostel, I had my first fall of the Nica trip (again, if you know me at all, you know that I'm sort of a klutz). I was coming out of the bathroom and the floor outside the door has just been mopped. My flip-flop slipped on it and I fell flat on my butt. It was alright...not too many people were around to witness, and it didn't hurt (that bad).


After a yummy b-fast at Kathy's Waffle House (I ate the best banana pancakes I have ever had in my life) and some more shopping, we went to Laguna de Apoyo and tanned/swam/jumped off docks/read (oh, I'm reading a fabulous book by the author of Life of Pi called Beatrice & Virgil...I'll maybe blog some more thoughts on it later)/ate lunch/hung out for the whole day. It was SO beautiful and relaxing and wonderful, and just a good time to get to know people in the group. It's funny to think that we've only been together for about two days!


Tomorrow, I'll probably wake up early and go to church. Then we'll take a walk and go into some of the communities we'll be working in. I'm super excited to start getting into programs and start immersing myself more in the county, get to know the people, learn about their culture and their lives. I'm also still a little nervous, however...I keep thinking that the whole language barrier thing separates me so much. I kind of hate feeling like such a self-conscious gringo all the time. But today, in the van, I was thinking about how that isn't really true. We were driving through Masaya on our way home and I saw an older man playing baseball with a little boy. My first thought was that this was a funny image - a father&son playing catch - to see in Nica, because it's such an American past time in my mind. And then it made me think something totally unexpected - we're not so different: me and Nicaraguans, me and anyone else. We're all people, we all want to spend time with those we care about, we all want a dad to play with us just because. We're all just looking to be loved and valued by someone, and I guess that's a pretty big thing to have in common.

with love and bright colors and sugary sweet helado,
emily

p.s. just a little FYI...the world cup is soon. if you didn't know that, just move down here to Nicaragua and you will be reminded of it every 28 seconds. I have heard this song seriously 1099 million times in the past two days. It's not bad, it's just getting a little excessive.

p.s.s. here are some pictures below. 1) the view from the roof of our casa, 2) the view from our little hike in our neighborhood..that's a volcano in the background, 3) our group at the overlook. I have yet to take a good picture here, and at this moment, the wind blew all my hair in my face, 4) the old cathedral in Managua, 5) view from an overlook in Managua & the only "sky scraper" in the city, 6) a gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous cathedral in Granada, 7) our group at Kathy's Waffle House. notice how I'm not even ready when the picture was taken...told you I haven't had a good one yet, 8) the hostel, 9) the Laguna, 10) a yummy dessert at the laguna of mixed fruit ice cream over a canalized/fried tortilla














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hola, 6am!

good morning, friends!

It is 10am where you are, but only 8 here. The room I'm staying in (there are 8 girls in our session and 1 boy) is full of bunkbeds and there are bright yellow walls and two big arching windows. I opened my eyes this morning at like 6 something and the sun was rising out of them...it was a nice thing to wake up to, and actually made me want to get up around 6 something!! (I guess it also still feels later to me...)

The house is still quiet right now. We had pancakes for breakfast and delicious coffee and some people are still sleeping. So, while things are calm (and because I won't be able to update today or tomorrow since we are traveling to Granada for the night), I thought I'd write a quick post.

To briefly fill you in, here are some things I already love about the Manna house/Nica in general:

1) geckos (who knew that these little guys could makes such loud noises? Seriously, it's so loud..like a high-pitched squeak, but also kind of hilarious.
2) the roof (I think I am going to spend all my time up there. We star-gazed last night and had bfast up there this morning. It's sooooo nice)
3) the library (there is this big collection of books people have left here, and there are so many good ones! I found The Irresistable Revolution, which I have been wanting to read but didn't bring with me, so that was exciting)
4) the breeze (I don't know if it's always this breezy in Nicaragua, but it feels so very goooooood)
5) the radio (on our night-time ride back to the house from the airport, we got a good feel for Nicaraguan radio...apparently, Justin Bieber is a big deal right now. I can dig that)

the stars here

are gorgeous.
gorgeous.
gorgeous.


mmmm it sure feels good to be in Nica :)

oh hi...El Salvador?

The adventure begins! Well, with a bit of a setback...our flight from San Salvador got canceled, so I am currently hanging in the airport in El Salv (yay abbrevs). It's really teeny tiny...maybe even smaller than I remember. We already walked the whole length of it like twice to keep from boredom (oh when I say "we", I mean me and two new Manna friends! we found each other at the gate after some awkward oh hi, are you with manna? OMG ME TOO's) because we are here FOR FIVE HOURS. ok, it's part of the travel experience. it's not so bad. I am just dying to be in Nica right now, so it stinks to have to wait for the 7:10 flight. but what are you gonna do?

I journaled on the plane ride here, so I'll post that below as my first trip update. There will be more legit updates (actually about NICARAGUA) later on. hasta luego, amigos!

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5.13.10 - plane ride numero uno

I literally just kicked a sweet old woman out of my seat. She thought "D" was next to the window and I was like "nuh-uh chica, no one is taking 21F from me...NO. ONE." ...am I a jerk? Oh well. One main goal of this trip is to learn how to love people better, so maybe this can just serve as a good starting off point, you know, a contrast "before" moment when this month is over. Before Emily = basically punches the elderly in the face for a window seat, After Emily = realizes that there are more important things in the world than a nice view. (we've got some work to do)

So O.K. I'm about to leave America. Cool. Wow. EEEEK!
Several of my friends are still in the library studying for exams and I am sitting on TACA flight 581 to San Salvador.

I am doing alright, but sometimes my emotions get the better of me. A tear ot two spilled when I said goodbye to my Dad right before security. It was a little bit just an expression of fear and anxiety, but mostly I think it was that I'm going to miss my family (something about the idea of being in a different country without my parents for a month is bringing out a little kid sense of homesickness that is surprising me) Crying was actually alright. I realized that when you look sad, the security guards actually break their stony exteriors and call you "sweetheart" or "honey", which I'll take over a robotic stare.

So there was sadness. And then there was excitement. It was about the trip, obviously, but also, I thought that I saw Jamie Lee Curtis sitting in the gate I was at. Seriously, this woman has to be her doppelganger. I freaked out for a short second...in my head I thought "OMG. I AM ON THE SAME PLANE AS JAMIE LEE FREAKIN' CURTIS!! MY LIFE IS THE BOMB!". I maybe even did a tiny fist pump in the air. But then, with great disappointment, I realized that it wasn't her. Tragedy.

So that was excitement and then devestation. Next came laughter.

I had to go through the pat-down ordeal before boarding. This is a common occurence in airports, I know, but it has never happened to me. It resulted in me breaking into a fit of laughter, 1) because I am insanely ticklish, and 2) because I started thinking about what an awkward job that is - being a professional feeler-uper. Like, every single day having to essentially grope a stranger. I wonder if they think to themselves in the morning over a cup of coffee, "hey, today is a great day to accidently graze people's butts!" (nothing against these jobs, of course...I guess soemone's gotta do it!) But oh, those thoughts got the better of me (as did the slap-happy attitude I tend to develop after getting 4 or less hours of sleep at night, which happened last night because I was too excited to sleep) I broke into a fit of giggles. These returned not 15 minutes later when the flight attendants on the plane were going through their spiel and had to put on this huge bright yellow life vests and I thought they looked funny. So, I laughed a lot... (Oh Manna people are going to LOVE me)

Now I am in the air. I got to say a quick phone goodbye to Zoe as we were taxi-ing out. (Isn't it crazy how connected the world is? I am now on a high-speed path to central america and just ten minutes ago, I was talking to a friend in New York)

Outside is all white clouds. I remember when I was younger and thought the most romantic thing in the world was flying through clouds. Now they are just kind of annoying becaue they make my view boring (SO glad I fought for this window seat, right?)

Also, I had coffee before the flight and that was probably a bad idea, because now I have to pee BAD. I am debating what would make the elderly woman less angry - awkwardly crawling over her or asking her to get up entirely. Oh she is going to hate me...

una semana, amigos!

seven days! yay!
to celebrate my last week in the states before I leave for the month, here are seven rando things I am eagerly anticipating on my trip to Nicaragua:


1) learning loads of Spanish

2) buying sweet things at a market somewhere...like a cheap hammock and cool necklaces and DVDs that shouldn't be released yet

3) lots of hot, bright central american sun (which will undoubtedly reestablish my Chaco & watch tan lines)

4) adorable precious children. all the time. all over the place. their really big smiles. everything about them. can't wait.

5) getting to try one of those choco banana things I've heard so much about

6) exploring pretty places. like volcanoes and lagoons and oceans and whatever else might be in Nicaragua.

7) hilarious moments (let's be real. it's me. in a foreign country. where I don't speak the language. I embarrass myself/fall down/get lost/say the wrong thing enough as it is in America. so stay tuned. it's gonna be great)

new smile

That's what this blog title translates to in English. Why? Well, because things are changing: in me, in how I view the world, in the places where I find peace & happiness, even in the kingdom of God. Things are expanding, grace is flowing out and stretching, restoration is happening, joy is being made complete. I believe that, and I'm seeking it out, and this is step one. What does all of that mean? Let me attempt to explain.

A little over a month ago, I went to Nicaragua for the first time with NOF (Nicaraguan Orphan Fund), a group at UVA and other college campuses associated with ORPHANetwork. During spring break, I traveled with some of my peers to Nica and stayed at an orphanage for a week. To make it brief, the trip was incredible. We loved on orphans, we visited a trash community/one of the most impoverished places in the world called La Chureca, we had a dinner for prostitutes and their children, we served food in feeding centers...the experience was wonderful.

And it was also hard. Really, really hard. Being there, in this place so radically different than I had ever been before, experiencing things and people and ways of living I had barely ever let myself imagine, I was hit with a flood of questions. These things started budding up almost as soon as we landed, and got even more persistently demanding and interrogative once we got home. They started shaking up my foundation.

For starters, they were questions like: What things do I stake my happiness in, and are they real and lasting? How do I respond to God's demand that I be an advocate for His justice? What does His justice even look like, and how do I find it in these places of poverty? Why is it that there is so much joy here, in a place so full of suffering and hardship? How do I love people - like really, deep-to-my-core love them in their entirety, without getting caught up on my own pride or my differences or my fear? How do I love the way that God loves, and how do I love simply because God loves?

I don't have answers yet. Not even close. Maybe I won't ever have them, or have them fully. But I will say that the process has begun. It has been an exciting couple of weeks, sensing the Lord breaking down things in me so that He can rebuild me into the person that He wants me to be, and somebody that more closely resembles Himself.

And in praying through this process and in following this desire to explore joy in the face of poverty and explore loving people radically and explore spending myself to serve people the way God says to, the door opened for me to go back to Nicaragua. I'll be volunteering there for four weeks, starting May 13th (SO SOON OH MY GOSH) through a group called Manna Project International.

Funny the way these things work, right? Never ever ever ever did I expect to spend a month of this summer in a third-world country. Never. ever. But somehow, I am. And somehow I know that the experience is going to shake me up and God is going to do some big-time work in ways that I cannot fathom, but excitedly anticipate uncovering (at least to some degree).

So that is the purpose for this blog - to share with my family and friends and whoever else is out there and stumbles across this page the joy that God so willingly wants to give. Because He does. He wants us to be complete in Him, He wants us to witness His miracles and blessings, He wants us to spend our lives seeking Him out so that we can have the best possible joy that exists and so that other people can have it too. I'm over-the-moon excited. I'm bursting at the seams. I'm terrified. I'm not even close to feeling ready. But I'm going. Come along with me. Come watch me gain a new smile.