gracias

dear sweet family & friends,
thank you, thank you, thank you.
all your prayers and thoughts and words of encouragement have meant the whole world to me. I've loved sharing with you and blogging about all the fun/hard/beautiful/wonderful things I experienced in Nica! It was truly one of the best months of my life. I'm home now, and could still blog for pages about things I got to see, things I miss like crazy already, and things I've learned and will continue to learn. But instead, I just wanted you to know that I appreciate each of you TONS. I am all kinds of blessed to be loved by such wonderful people, that's for sure :)

con amor siempre, siempre

today:

I ate Elena's french toast for breakfast. Paola, the little preschooler afraid of gringos, smiled at me in class instead of bursting into tears. I got to eat Creamas on the Flores' porch and talk to Dayanna and Olga and Lorena about life and english and spanish and writing poetry. I got to say goodbye to friends at Mi Comarca. My feet got really dirty. I purchased a final choco-banana. I had to chase away a dog while walking to Farito. I played Duck-Duck-Goose by candle light at Carmen's house when the power went out because of the rain. I got to snuggle with Marcos. Jan found a grub three inches long in her make-up bag. I had gallo-pinto for dinner. I heard a chorus-song of "see you soon!"'s when leaving 13.5 for the last time. I realized that as much of a wreck as I am about leaving, the one thing Nica has taught me the most clearly is that life is beautiful, even when it's hard. I guess you never know what things or places or people you are going to fall in love with, but I sure am glad that, for whatever reason, I fell in love with here.

buenas dias!

Good morning, everyone :) It's my last day in Nicaragua. I'm trying not to be sad, so I'm looking at this photo. Meet Marcos, my Nica love. Dare you not to smile when you see his.

where freedom lives

Today I met a little girl who was stolen by gun point from her home in rural Nicaragua when she was seven years old. After she was taken, she was sold as a sex slave to a hotel in Managua for $7.50.

I write this not to make you sad, but to make this clear - the world is a broken, messed up, nauseating place sometimes. Children are given away by their parents into prostitution. Women sell their bodies because they have no other source of income. Police officers visit brothels in the name of sex instead of justice. Little girls are made to believe that they are only worth the monetary value men pay to abuse them.

Darkness is not hard to find.

At House of Hope today, we got to talk with April, the director of the program. She told us stories of the women and young girls who live there and also the hundreds who come to make jewelry every week. The mission of the organization is to lift women out of prostitution and to save children from sexual trafficking. According to April and others working at House of Hope, prostitution and sex slavery is a rampant problem in Nicaragua. Whole generations of women sell their bodies, making it the norm for families and for young girls to accept that as their future. The government is doing absolutely nothing to stop this. In fact, when asked what was being done by police man and officials to end brothels, April answered "well, they are being good customers." All of it feels like a desperately dark, unchangeable issue.

A few weeks ago, following a trip to chureca, Trey and I had a conversation about the idea of freedom and what that means. It seems that people in poverty are ultimately not free because they are stuck in the day to day. They don't have the means to imagine a better future. They cannot really save for a bigger house or a better location or a fun trip because they have to survive and put enough food on the table each and every night. And sometimes, not even that is possible. In the same way, these women I've been talking about aren't free either. They are stuck without an advocate, forced into prostitution because they cannot envision another option. They are bound up in the ugliness of it, and it becomes a nasty, viscous cycle.

But you know what else? Bondage isn't simply found in Nicaragua. It's right in our homes too. In that same way that people living far below the poverty line here are without freedom, it seems like me and you and most other people in the U.S. are missing something. As a whole, we are bound to our things. Our happiness is circumstantially based on what we've got, what we wear, what we drive, what name-brand university we attend, where we go out on the weekend, what we can afford. We are blinded by our materialism and our ideas of success, and we cannot imagine a greater life that isn't wrapped up in those things. We aren't free.

But then I think of the little girl I was introduced to today. She walked in from school, smiling and running to hug April. At House of Hope she has, well...hope. She has a future that doesn't involve prostitution. And one day, she will leave, having been given the skills she needs to hopefully stay out of that lifestyle and support herself by other means.

And that is freedom through and through.

Where does it come from though? If government officials can't really give it to us, and if people can't provide it, and if the things we buy aren't lifting us up and loosening our chains, what is? When I walked out of House of Hope this afternoon, I noticed a cross hanging from the wall above the work-room, and it was there that I got my answer.

Where the spirit of the Lord is, THERE is freedom.

I cannot trust in programs to defeat poverty. I cannot trust in good luck or apathy either. Both will fail. I could live in the most lavish circumstances with every opportunity at my feet, and if I don't have the Lord there with me, I am bound up in every sense. It isn't about the greatest methods or challenging government officials or giving things or getting thing, although all of that might be wonderful and I think can result after first acknowledging what is of the utmost importance - we've got to recognize where freedom really lives. And when we do that, we'll soar.

on being challenged

This weekend was beautiful. Ometepe & volcanoes & beaches & sunshine & laughing until we cried & really sweet sunsets & riding ridiculous Nicaraguan buses & visiting Casa Bernabe & getting tears in my eyes to see Erlinda still wearing the friendship bracelet I made her & so many other things I could blog about for pages but won't. (you can simply enjoy the pictures on my previous blog post :) )

Today I am antsy. Not only because I am leaving on thursday and feel no where close to ready for that, but because...well, I don't know. Just feeling unsettled and challenged and unsure and lots of things I can't identify. Maybe this is some sort of mid-college crisis. Nicaragua has ripped me apart in what is probably a great way, but is also very hard to figure out.

Being here makes me feel like I could do anything with my life. I feel like I could spend myself loving on people in poverty for the rest of forever and be ridiculously happy. But then I think about all the constraints of the world and about going home and college and I wonder how I'm going to figure out where it is that I should place my passions. How is what I'm studying preparing me for what I'm supposed to do? How am I best equipping myself to serve people? What skills do I have and in what areas do I excel? What things should I investigate in terms of a future career/job? I have seriously no clue. But I've met so many incredible people here who have worked hard and pursued their passions and now live lives fully dedicated just to loving people. That's what I want to do - just love people really really really well the way the Lord loves them. But I'm not sure how that will materialize or what I do to get there. Is it simply alright for me to study English because I love it, and to trust that God will somehow use that in me? I don't know.

A new friend and fellow Wahoo, Jackson, was here with us for a week doing research on the role of faith in NGO's. We had a couple cool conversations just about service work and about viewing poverty with biblical eyes rather than with our own perspectives. It's challenged me a lot just to think of things like that while I've been here, and to have other people confront me with such concerns. I've been thinking about things like freedom and what that looks like for someone who lives in Chureca versus someone who lives in America. I've been thinking about Isaiah 58 and the definition of restoration and how I fit into that. I've been thinking about language and the ways that service and love expand beyond it. Gosh, I've been thinking a lot of things apparently!

Sorry this is the most rambling, nonsensical blog post ever. But the point is - I'm being challenged. I'm being shaped into something new. I'm not sure how all these things will pan out and transform me (maybe I'll never know the extent of it), but I'm sure that they will. And as I start looking ahead to going home, I know I have a lot of processing to do that will extend far past my time here. Maybe a little bit of this antsy feeling is more like excitement, because I sort of feel like the Lord is building me up for huge things. We'll see :)

the best fin de semana ever

iguanas in the pool house roof

on the gray patio around the pool,
the rain is giving new arms to puddles
and new mouths to grow
fat and gobble up the ground.
we are watching with
eyes hungry,
ears and skin soaking in the sound of
a million drops pounding
and the flood dripping from the ceiling onto
the floor.

inside the roof of the pool house
are several iguanas -
green scales and claws.
they are scratching their way
around the dark tunnels above
and I imagine them creating maps,
asking for directions.
I imagine them curling up in bed
and tucking in their small iguana children.
I imagine the beat of their tails
as the rhythm of lullabies.

Last night, I slept beneath
a tin roof.
It was raining then, too, and the storm
was music on the space above my head
and in the sound of breeze in the cracks
of wood panels making walls.
Early in the morning, a mango fell
on the roof.
I was afraid only for a second
and then I smiled.
It’s funny how things put together
sound pretty.

And it’s this afternoon,
sitting in the pool house
with iguanas and their busy schedules
that I am thinking:
It seems to me that somehow,
in spaces above our heads,
we are always making homes.

muchas cosas

Have I made it clear yet that I love Nicaragua? Because I'm head-over-heels.

It feels like so much has gone on in the past two days...I just got back to the Manna house after spending a little more than 24 hours out in the community and in programs, etc. I get really bored just writing out what I've done, so I'll make a little list and hopefully it will encompass some of my recent activities.

My Nica obsessions:

1) Fanta naranja (I'm not much of a soda drinker, but man-oh-man do I LOVE orange soda here. I seriously cannot get enough of it. They use real cane sugar in gaseosas (sodas) here instead of high fructose corn syrup, and it tastes fabuloso)

2) rando holidays (on Sunday, it was Dio de los Madres, mother's Day, and kids seriously got THREE days off of school for it. Yesterday was Dio de los Ninos, Kid's Day. We had a big fiesta in Tuani Hour, complete with a massive pinata and cake. I feel like there is always some festival or celebration going on here, and that's pretty cool)

3) the kids of 13.5 (I spent the night with a family in a community called 13.5 last night. It was such a blast! Carmen, the mom, is so sweet and wonderful, and it was a good time for me to practice spanish, because she doesn't speak any english. I had such fun playing futbol and other various games with Tatiana and Michael and Geral and Lester and Marcos and Freiddy and Norma and all the other precious kids in that neighborhood. This morning, Karen, a girl around my age who lives nearby and attends an english class I help out with, came by and we played Diddy Kong together. It was such a cool experience to live in the community for a day...maybe I'll blog more about it later)

4) Spanglish (Since my spanish is no bueno, I kind of like to mix it up with english now and again. (but, I will say, I have learned a TON since being here, and am now determined to do something when I get home to learn more). Actually, everyone in the Manna house seems to be fans of Spanglish. For example, we will often say "Are we vamanos-ing?" for "are we leaving now?" I think our favorite phrase, though, is "se fue", which translates to "he/she left". We like to use it for pretty much anything. Anytime something has run out, or someone leaves, or we can't find something, we'll dramatically flip out hand and say "SE FUE!" or add an -ed. For example: Where is the micro? I don't know..it se fue-ed. )

5) Cuddling (Today in preschool, I read with a little snuggle-bug named Adilece...she was so precious and just curled up next to me to look through books. She decided she would be the one to "read" to me. She'd quickly flip every page and go "entonces eso, entonces eso, entonces eso, EL FIN!" Also, Mi Comarca has the cutest little gatitos (kittens) you've ever seen. Every time I go past there, I just want to go in a snuggle with them. The weigh practically nothing and have the most adorable "meows" (Actually, one of them is named "Meow"). No run in with Spanky yet, but hopefully that'll happen soon)

how many people can you fit in a micro-van?

Answer: a whole heck of a lot.

This past weekend was a wonderful time of travel and adventure in Leon! After dinner at a fun Thai restaurant in downtown Managua on Friday night, we went to bed early so we could wake up REAL early to catch the bus on saturday morning. After arriving at the center we were supposed to leave from, we discovered that there was a huge line of people waiting for micro-vans to get to Leon. We got at the end of the line and started stressing, worried that we wouldn't make it in time to go volcano boarding. As we were waiting, a rando white micro drove by with a guy shouting out the window "LEON! LEON! LEON!" (totally not sketchy, mom :) ) The rest of my group (5 other vol's) and I looked at each other and started sprinting. We jumped in the van and eventually, every seat was taken. But apparently, there is a different definition for "full" in Nicaragua. As we drove, the guy kept yelling out the window "LEON! LEON! LEON!" to every person we passed at a bus stop. People kept getting on and would stand or sit in the smallest corners of the van...we kept looking at each other like "this is crazy!" At one point, I counted upwards of 20 people in this small little vehicle. It was so hilarious.

Luckily, we made it with time to spare to our hostel, where we were leaving from to go board down a volcano called Cerro Negro. The hike up the volcano was gorgeous in the strangest way. Everything was dead, black ash. On top of that, it was raining and misty, and the higher we got up, the more clouds would enclose around us. I felt like I was on Mars, or on my way to Mordor or something. Often, the clouds would break, and instantly our breath would be taken away by the gorgeous view (and the fact that we suddenly discovered that we were VERY high up and on a very narrow path). Once getting to the top, we put on these stylish (sarcasm) orange jumpsuits and goggles and got on our wooden boards to head down the volcano. I won't lie...when I looked over that cliff, my heart started pounding kind of hard. But it ended up being relatively slow because of the moisture in the ash. It was really fun though...I even beat Trey when we raced! (how do you like that for a shout out, Tres?) Quite an extraordinary experience :)

Other than volcano boarding, we also got to enjoy Leon for the night. Well, we tried to. We went out to a bar, but were all so exhausted after the hike and waking up at the crack of dawn that we almost fell asleep at our table. It was also pretty dead (and strangely sketchy) in Leon at night, which was surprising. So it was an early evening, but we still managed to snag some Eskimo (ice cream!), making it a total success.

After sleeping incredibly well, we woke up and ate our free breakfast (incredible coffee and a delicious bagel egg thing) and headed out to wander around. We went to a really wonderful art museum that I recommend if you are ever in the city. It's at an old presidential residence and has some incredible pieces. After the museum, we hit up the market and went to see some old cathedrals. It was nice to get to enjoy the city without rain!

There is something so fun about traveling around and just figuring it out as you go. Without any PD's with us or anyone who had been to the city before, it was all very fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants, in a good way. We met this really cool couple in our volcano group. The guy was a stockbroker and the women worked for the Olympics. They both sold everything they owned, left their jobs, and decided to travel for as long as they could afford. Nicaragua is their third stop, and they are flying out to Hong Kong in a week or so. It all sounds like a dream! We also met several awesome people at our hostel, (many of whom are from Australia, where it's typical for young people to travel after high school or university) who just got us thinking about how planned out and standard our lives usually are. We spend so much time worrying about fitting into this certain time-line of success that I think we often forget about what really matters: soaking up all the crazy wonderful things in life and going out to see and experience this beautiful earth.

PHOTOS: 1) on the truck which gave a rollercoaster-esque, hour long ride to the volcano, 2) starting the hike, 3) up the rocks and into the clouds, 4) our group at the top...soaked and about to be swallowed by a cloud in the background, 5) checking out the run, 6) peering over the edge and lookin' good, 7) me at the bottom, after I washed off all sorts of ash debris (which I am still finding in my hair)...see that little speck above my head? that's a person, 8) driving away from what we climbed, 9) streets of Leon = lots of color, 10) a crooked picture of the old cathedral, 11) more street, 12) another cathedral

p.s.

I just finished My Sister's Keeper and sobbed for a good ten minutes. oh, and it's still raining non-stop here (I am convinced that all of Nicaragua is going to wash away if this keeps up any longer) and it just makes me want to sit on my bed and cry more. Stupid book.

nueva sonrisa

Is it weird for me to say that I just can't wait to be a mom? (Don't freak out, parents. I'm not planning on that happening for several years) This morning, Kelsey (one of the summer vol's) and I walked to Farito for preschool. We got to help out with a Mother's Day party they were having. All these precious little ninos came with their madres and sang them cute little songs about how much they love them and then we ate cake and drank coca-cola. I was just melting the whole time. It was just a beautiful thing to witness and to be a small part of - celebrating motherhood, celebrating children. As silly as it sounds, it made me homesick for my own mom and at the same time made me so excited for the day when I get to understand the other part of that relationship dynamic, when I get to understand what it means to love your own child. (Oh gosh, Taylor & Kirsten are going to have a field day mocking me about this post)

On the way home, Kelsey and I nearly had to outrun a flash flood. All the sudden we looked ahead and a river was barreling down the road at us. It was funny because it seemingly came from nowhere. At the top, we stopped and stood by Mi Comarca (our favorite venta) to watch it swallow the whole road. Gabe got off a bus just as we were doing this and I when I saw him, I said "Gabe! This is CRAZY!" and he just laughed and said "Oh, this happens every time there is heavy rain." So funny.

It's been a very busy past few days and I've loved every second of it. Yesterday I got to walk around Chureca a bit before English class, which was super tuani (that's street for "really cool") I walked over to the school before class to play with kids, but I got there too late and they were already done with recess, which was a bummer. The rain made it impossible to take the back road to get in, so we walked that part too. It is crazy to see houses with tin walls covered in soda-advertisements and kids running around with no shoes, etc. What's even crazier is that I have learned that Chureca is actually preferable to other more rural parts of Nicaragua. Don't get me wrong, it's unfathomable poverty. But they have access to running water, a free health clinic, and various NGO's that are in the area. So things are bad, but they are even worse elsewhere. The idea that there are things to be grateful for in Chureca seems unreal, but the more I spend time there, the more I see it as a place of laughing kids and joy than simply a place of extreme darkness.

I've been helping out the past few days at this center for kids with disabilities called Teseros de Dios. It is just the neatest place ever and I love the happy feeling I get simply being there. Their vision is to minister to kids and their families and to create the best possibilities they can for children with physical or mental handicaps. They have a physical therapy room, a bible study center, a horse therapy program, and so much more. It's awesome. Manna doesn't work directly with them, but I heard about it from another volunteer and just decided to check it out. On Wednesday, I went for the first time. Joanna and I helped make some crafts for lessons and spent some time helping Ivania, a staff member with a huge smile and a bigger laugh, with her English homework. I liked it so much that I went back Thursday (yesterday) just to hang out and see how I could help. When I walked in, I couldn't find Michelle anywhere (she's the woman who started the center and the only one who speaks fluent English there), so I thought to myself, "Welp, looks like I'm speaking Spanish today." After explaining myself (or trying to) Ivania came down and finally found me and had a huge smile on her face. We went upstairs to her office and I helped her with some random things for her classes (she also works with a kid who has autism, so I helped make some crafts she will use with him) and she played me "American" music. It was so relaxing and fun to practice my Spanish with her and to in turn help her with English. I'm excited to keep going back.

The center is really close to the Land, so after I left, I walked to Women's Exercise. It's on a really rural road, and as I was walking, the rain was lightly falling and it was very quiet. All of the sudden, I hear a loud "MOOOO!" and turn around. Seriously two feet behind me was a large vaca (cow) and a young boy who couldn't be more than 8. Apparently they had been walking quietly behind me. I screamed a little and then just lost it....it was such a hysterical scene. I think my loud laughter at this probably frightened the boy more than the cow frightened me. Oh well...just a typical Nica stroll, I guess :)

Throughout the past week, I've had thoughts and frustrations in thinking about how my time here matters. It's so easy to think that I'll come in as some privileged super-hero and save the day. Yes, serving other people does make a difference, and I do believe that what Manna is doing and what I'm doing is great and beneficial to these communities. But it's a hard balance to remember that it isn't all about what I'm doing for other people - it's more of what they're doing for me. And when I think about it, service is really about what God is doing, how He's working His plan of redemption out in me and in others daily. I think of a few days ago when I went to 13.5 with Jan and we hung out at Carmen's house. Five people live there, in a space half the size of my bedroom -seriously. And God, are they happy. And just having those moments of realization...that is what is changing me. What is changing me is people's kindness when I did nothing to earn it. What is changing me is little Tatiana braiding my hair, or my friend at House of Hope who gave me the bible verse, and the people at the disabilities center who welcomed me with open arms.

As I was in Ivania's office yesterday, I was thinking about all these things, and thinking of the ways that God is using this trip to make me more like Himself. While she was playing me Avril Lavigne and R.E.M., Ivania was having me paint these little yellow circles and then draw on happy faces. And as I was doing that, I had to chuckle to myself, because here I was in Nicaragua, literally creating a new smile.

siempre, siempre

Being in Nicaragua feels like swimming in poetry. I've been writing like crazy here and it's such a wonderful feeling. There is something about the small things of this place that I'm falling in love with, something about the details of life in Nica that I'm becoming obsessed over and can't help but expand on. I find myself thinking of lines of verse that I could create about the sharp spines of stray dogs, or the milky-looking water that runs down the street during the heavy rain, or the funny contrast of bright, bright colors on buildings and signs that are always muted with dirt. I find myself daydreaming about the sound of rolling r's in Spanish, or horns honking in Managua, or the sound of the frog that lives outside our room window and sings all night. I find myself craving to put these things down on paper, and find myself so in awe of the way that these things just feel like art to me; I feel like I am walking around in a beautiful museum and I want to capture all the pieces and hold them up to the light.

And the more I write, the more I am learning about myself and the more I am learning that I NEED to write. It's simply how I experience things, this blog being a good example. The way I process is to create my experiences into new words and pour it all out onto a page. And the other thing I'm learning about myself through the writing process is how expression fits into all of that. I'm a communicator, a sharer. If you ask me how I am, I'm going to tell you. (And even if you don't ask me how I am, I'll probably tell you anyways) I'm not too good at keeping the details of my life inside, and that's where poetry and writing and this blog all come in. I've got to do it - it's how I'm learning about this crazy beautiful museum-like world, and how I'm learning about my own place in it. So even if you didn't care to know all that, I'm sharing it with you :)

p.s. Another writing-related thing: in an attempt to better my Spanish abilities, I tried reading one of my favorite poems in espanol. It's called "Clenched Soul" by Pablo Neruda. It was originally written in Spanish, but I've only ever read the English version. I recited it for a class last semester and I just adore it. I posted the Spanish version below. If you want to read it in English, click here.

Hemos perdido aun este crepusculo.
Nadie nos vio esta tarde con las manos unidas
mientras la noche azul caia sobre el mundo.

He visto desde mi ventana
la fiesta del poniente en los cerros lejanos.

A veces como una moneda
se encendia un pedazo de sol entre mis manos.

Yo te recordaba con el alma apretada
de esa tristeza que tu me conoces.

Entonces, donde estabas?
Entre que gentes?
Diciendo que palabras?
Por que se me vendra todo el amor de golpe
cuando me siento triste, y te siento lejana?

Cayo el libro que siempre se toma en el crepusculo,
y como un perro herido rodo a mis pies mi capa.

Siempre, siempre te alejas en las tardes
hacia donde el crepusculo corre borrando estatuas.

luciérnaga

My stomach hurts from laughing. Frank, one of the students in Advanced English, just taught me how to say "firefly" in Spanish (luciernaga) and it took me forever to get it right. Apparently I said something wrong and seemingly inappropriate, because Frank was like "Eeeeemeely!! (that's how they say my name here and I just love it) No no no!!!" and then laughed his head off. And then I started laughing. And then each time I would attempt to say it again, I'd laugh more. I got it eventually though. Oh Nicaragua...everything about you is a joyful learning experience.

Today has been one of those days that you can go to bed feeling good about (in fact, I will do just that after I finish this post, because I am exhausted). First was pancakes for breakfast (yup, I'm talking about the food again. It just isn't getting old) and then off to Chureca for English class. That's one of the programs I'll be focusing on...not sure if I'll be with the beginner or intermediate group...we'll see. It's more difficult than I expected. I was with the intermediate group today since I already checked out the other group last week, and it was a group of four sassy chicas. They're a bit intimidating, but I'm excited to see what our time together will look like and how it'll challenge me. And also, I still just about loose my breath being in Chureca, even for brief bits of time. Something about there makes me feel alive and close to God and I don't really know why yet...perhaps I'll post more thoughts on it later :) I'm far too tired to write anything super eloquent or insightful ahora.

After Chureca was a trip back to the house for a quick lunch and then off to Farito (the schoolhouse) for Comedor and Tuani Hour. Comedor is a feeding program where lunch is served to kids in the community. I'll do that every tuesday. Gosh, I just loved it. I didn't get to do much in terms of serving (I did help with tooth brushing after they ate...soooo cute) but it was a blast just to play with kids, visit them at their tables, listen to them pray and sing a sweet song before lunch. After Comedor we had a little over an hour break. I went outside and played with kids in the community and it was just about my favorite thing we've done this whole trip. I got to hang out with this group of sweet, sweet boys. They were playing marbles and taking photos with my camera and just being silly chicos. My favorite (it seems bad to pick favorites, but hey, oh well) is 9 year old Jon (see pictures below)...he has the most precious little smile and just a joyful personality.

Then came Tuani Hour ("Tuani" means "cool" in Spanish, and it's basically Creative Hour where it's just a fun time for the kids to do some crafts or music or whatever would be exciting for them). Trey, Jessica, Audrey (all Summer Vol's) and I got to plan and teach it today! It was SUCH A BLAST. We did a lesson on aviones (airplanes) and then made paper airplanes and had a competition for which one could fly the farthest.

After Tuani was a trip back to the house for dinner and a quick round of Bananagrams (I am getting so much better after challenging basically everyone in this house...although there are definitely some pros here). Then back to Farito for Beginner's English (a large class with a mix of ages. it's super fun, and just a class I'll help out with) and after that was Advanced English (a program I'll be focusing on...I just LOVE LOVE LOVE it. It's so cool to actually be able to become friends with people here who are my age, and I find that I learn a lot about the culture and Nica-Spanish from them)

Tomorrow I've got preschool (I'll be working with the preschool at Farito a few mornings a week! so fun!) and Kids English at the Land and we'll see what else I can get into :)

Now everyone is back and relaxing in the living room, reading or blogging or writing e-mails. I feel like Nica is getting under my skin a good way. Things are just becoming normal, like driving next to cows on the road or a mouse scurrying two inches from your feet in the living room (just happened) or knowing what it means when someone scrunches their nose at you (it's basically body language for "what?"...I get it a lot with my broken Spanish) or understanding when someone motions like they want you to go away (it actually means "come here") or hearing "GRINGA, MIRA! GRINGA, MIRA!" over and over again from every little kid doing jumping jacks or some dance they want you to see or something. I just love those things, and all the new things I discover about Nica everyday. Just love love love it.

photos! 1) we played 3 v. 3 lacrosse at the Land on Sunday. I was on a team with Norman and Gabe against Fabricio, Hemby and Jessica. 2) Ernesto! 3) Mi amigo Murphy 4) Jon (mi favorito) 5) kids in Cedro 6) Tuani hour airplanes! 7) Murphy and his really cool paper plane 8) Summer Vol love!

on being comfortable

There is definitely something cozy about the Manna house, especially today - it hasn't stopped raining since about 6pm last night it seems. It falls in these heavy, gorgeous drops and it's so nice just to sit here on the couch after playing Bananagrams and watch it splash into the puddles on the stone walkways outside. I slept so peacefully last night...nothing sounds like calm the way rain on a roof does. This morning I read and had a big mug of coffee, and for lunch Elena made guacamole that tasted like heaven. I am comfortable here, getting used to the heaviness of the air and the feeling of relief that comes when it is broken by storm. I am getting used to the sun being the one to wake me up early, poking me with yellow fingers. I am growing comfortable with the frizzy Hermione Granger-esque hair I seem to develop here. I am growing comfortable.

...and I'm uncomfortable about that.

It is a strange sensation to feel like I'm on vacation even though that isn't what I am here for. It's a strange sensation to go out into the communities and then come back here and have someone cook me all my meals and swim in a pool and swing in a hammock or go get Pop's ice cream and be comfortable. I don't really know how to feel about it, but I'm afraid that it's taking away from my ability to truly understand and explore the world of poverty the way that I want to. And it's going to be a challenge, I think, as we get more involved in programs and become more in tune with the way Manna serves here, not to let myself fall into the trap of being comfortable. It's so easy. It's so easy just to want to hang out here and enjoy the sunshine and forget about the world outside and what it's like. It's scares me how easy it is.

But you know what's hard? Loving boldly. That's hard. Speaking Spanish to someone even though you are terrified and will probably sound like an idiot. That's hard. Attempting to build relationships with people who have a culture vastly different than yours. That's hard. But that's what we are called to - to be lovers. To be bold. To have authority to GO and to love. It isn't comfortable, but it's what matters. And so that's my prayer for the rest of my time. Not that I would be comfortable, but that I might be courageous and that I might learn to love even when it isn't easy.

to Nica

some say that you’re a country
made up of old men who sell kites
outside of car windows,
at stoplights
for 45 cords.
but you aren’t those men.
you are the kites.

you are millions of patterns -
four-figured shapes in the dust
of the city dump,
of crowded streets
and inside tin-shacks along rural green hills.
you see horizons begging you into the air.
you have strings tied to the ground.

but soon, all the stillness will disappear.
the world will not keep you
with her broken hands,
will not clasp you between her thumb
of mud and her index finger of poverty.

you’ll be free...

…and the clouds will be grazed with
a million patterns
as you take to the wind.

it’s happening today,
even now
as a child feels the tickle of air
on the soft soles of their feet
and pushes up.

(and in them,
all your darkness is redeemed.
and in them,
the sky is expanding with color)

as for now, we’re together and busy-
off catching this breeze.

well, would you believe...PART DOS!

Today we got to take some little ninos from Chureca to the laguna. I was so excited about it, but it was 100 million times better than I could have expected. Almost as soon as I got there, I saw a familiar face. Would you believe...IT WAS MANESSA - the five-year-old little chica I read with at La Esperanza over spring break!!!! There weren't even massive amounts of kids...she just happened to be one out of a small group (oh, and apparently it's really "Vanessa" of "Banessa"...the spelling is all rather strange) Y'all, I freaked out. I cannot tell you what an insane, crazy amount of joy surged through me to see her. That little girl's face has been in my mind since leaving Nica the first time...I really can't explain why. She just changed me...she changed and is changing still the way I see poverty and the way I see people and the way I want to love people. I have no words to describe my brief interaction with her on my first trip here, but I really thought I would never see this little chica again in my life. I still remember the dread and pain I felt in putting her down and waving goodbye to her when we left the school in March. And to see her today, to see her with her mother and brothers, and to know that she is in the Child Sponsorship Program through Manna, gives me so much happiness. I am overwhelmed, just really cannot condense my emotions into words, with the way God blessed me today. I cannot believe that He gave me the privilege of holding her again, and getting to swim around with her and look for shells, and throw her up in the air and splash with her in the water. Wow. Just...wow. His surprises are simply the best :)

Oh, and p.s. would you believe that I went to the United States tonight? Well, sort of...We just got back from a marine party at the embassy! It was pretty cool to get to go there, although sort of a culture shock and overwhelming with air conditioning and super nice buildings and it being so fancy and everything. Apparently, the U.S. embassy in Nica is the second largest U.S. embassy in the world. All in all, it was a neat little trip back to the "states" for a few hours.

p.s.s. would you also believe that it's been heat lightning here for at least the past three hours? It's so beautiful!

Below are some pics of kids from today! enjoy them :)

Cindy Paoula enjoys mango-eating and being insanely cute

Does it get better than playing in a laguna? Nope. It just doesnt.

Sweet little M(b/v)anessa!!!

I love that I have this ridiculously huge smile and Manessa looks less than thrilled to be getting her picture taken with me.

She was handing me these tiny little snail shells.

Manessa and her friends play in the water.

Too cute for pants.

Gotta love that grin.

What joy.

well, would you believe...

Oh, I just love Nicaraguan children. Seriously. Today we went to Chureca to teach English and the two most precious, adorable boys started following us around. Their names were Stephen and Carlos and AH, I want to take them home with me. When I picked Carlos up, he looked me right in the eye and screamed "TENGO CINCO ANOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and waved his five fingers in my face. It was so cute. During the English class, the two of them were playing on a swing set near the tables we were at and I was practically hypnotized by them. I think the reason I love kids is because they have such insane amounts of joy. Like here were these two little boys who live in a dump, and they had so much happiness that it was practically spewing out of them. I just can't get over it.

Anyway, update on the whole disgusting skin/neck ordeal.
After it still being gross upon waking up this morning, I knew I need to get it looked at. The doctor at the clinic in Chureca wanted to cut it right then and there, but we decided it was probably better to figure out what exactly it was before doing anything rash. So I went to a dermatologist in a hospital about 1/2 an hour away. Hembey (one of the PD's) and I had to wait for a very long time, because we were told to be there an hour earlier than when the doctor actually tends to show up. (Just another example of living in a world that runs on Nica-time, I guess) So after listening to Spanish soap operas on the television in the waiting room for what felt like a long time, I finally got to see the doctor. She was very nice, but had no clue what it was and then prescribed me three medicines. Several hours and $65 later and still no answer.

So we're driving back to the house. We stop to get some McFlurry's (which are not the type you get in the states, they are WAY better. It's basically just soft serve with chocolate or caramel sauce and whatever topping you want) and then stopped at the venta (store). Gabe & Zeke were there, and I showed them my blister-fied gross neck, and both of them go "OH, It's a Maya, of course!!"
Apparently, a Maya is a small bug that is found here in Nicaragua. When they get on your skin, they often urinate, and their urine is extremely acidic. So what happened to me is that some little Maya crawled on my neck during the night and urinated on me, resulting in blisters. I can't believe I went to that dumb hospital when all I needed to do was go right down the street and ask the neighbors to find out what was wrong.

sparknotes version of my life:
I GOT PEED ON BY A NICA BUG WITH ACID FOR URINE.

oh yes, that would happen to me.

the good, the bad, and the allergic reaction

adios! (no, I'm not saying goodbye...that is the standard greeting when you pass people in the streets of Nicaragua. except it sounds more like "adio" because s's tend to get dropped off at the ends of words pretty frequently here)

boy oh boy was it steamy today. We were all dragging in the heat (I was reading in the hammock before dinner and fell asleep in about two seconds)...but it was still a wonderful day to be in Nica!
The morning started out with a sorting party. (see picture number uno below) We went into the small, creepy storage room in back of the pool house and pulled out tons of luggage full of donations. (and we found one massive spider and one small scorpion while we were in there! mom is going to love this blog post) Then we turned up the music and began folding and sorting clothes, shoes, and accessories into piles. At the end of the year, Manna will host a sale for the communities they work in and will sell everything for affordable prices. (I like the idea of not just giving away things for free, but providing the community members with opportunities to provide for themselves)

After that came lunch (why is the food here SO freaking good?) and then off to the Land for homework help, playing outside with ninos, and English class. The English class was just for kids, and oh my stars, they were LOCO. adorable, yes. but crazy, YES.

Tonight was really great. Four community members/friends of Manna came in to talk to us (Gabriel, Fabricio, Norman & Adriana). I met most of them at advanced English last night, so it was fun to see them again and hear a bit about what they do. They all started an organization they call Nicayudo which began as a response to the need for school supplies and money to pay teachers in Nicaragua. Now they help out two preschools that are desperate for hope and resources. It's really awesome to see how passionate they are about empowering their community. I'm excited to see the preschools at some point while I'm here and learn more about what they are doing. (It was also fun to have them here because they played guitar and sang several traditional Nica songs to us. Then we went and had a big dance party out in the pool house)

It's also kind of funny...I randomly heard about this organization called Lacrosse the Nations a few weeks back and was reading about it online. They work with kids in Chureca and teach them lacrosse, give them the chance to be a part of a team, love them through spending time with them playing sports. Come to find out, Norman works for Lacrosse the Nations! And he's also an administrator at La Esperanza in Chureca, the school we raised money for with Barefoot Week, and the place I met Manessa at over spring break! So cool.

It is just so wonderful to me that I get to witness and be a part of this vast, connected community of people who love Nica. Yet another cool group to check out that is helping support Nicaraguans is Chaka MarketBridge. They are a new and rapidly growing business that works to support local artisans in developing countries by providing them a market to sell their goods. It's such a cool thing and an awesome way to empower communities. The two founders, Matt & Neil (UVa grads! what what!) were staying here at the Manna house for a couple of days and just left this morning. Go check out their site!

So it was a good day. Except for the fact that I have this whole allergic-reaction-gross thing on my neck. In the spirit of sharing even the ugly details of this trip, I posted a picture of it below. (if gross things, well...gross you out, don't scroll all the way down. but I don't think it's really that bad) I woke up this morning and the left side of my neck was kind of sensitive and red. Then it developed a bump which became a massive blister which become another blister. Now it has stopped spreading/getting bigger, but it still looks really gross. I'm going to the doctor at the clinic in Chureca tomorrow, so we'll see what they have to say. But the only thing we can think of is that something either bit me and my skin freaked out, or I brushed up against something I'm strangely allergic to. I'll keep you updated :) It's all rather strange, but hey, just another part of the adventure!

abrazos y besitos!

we summer vols enjoy sorting:

lots of clothes. It took me about an hour to go through the toddler box because I kept stopping and saying "ohmygoshawwwwwthisisSOOOcuteIlovebabies!" after folding each outfit

the view of the pool and the house from the hammock

alright, here is the gross picture of my strange allergic reaction to some unknown thing. please do not vom.